Love +/= Sex ?

by An Observer

Image thanks to here

If you ask the question: “who does not like sex?” you will expect to hear the answer, “who doesn’t!” Such an answer is to be expected because we are used to thinking and therefore expressing ourselves in general terms. We often do not think of the exceptions or alternative situations. Generally too, no one will deny that sex is a pleasurable activity. Again, there are exceptions to this subject to various conditions. We have been conditioned to ignore details.

One thing is clear: without the activity of sex, there will be no mode of procreation as we know it. Another thing is that without the pleasure attached to the sexual activity, many may just procrastinate the act of procreation! The energy and effort required may make some lazy to engage in procreation.

Generally too, most will support the notion of “love”.

Some people use sex to get love. Prostitution is often considered as an act of getting pecuniary favours by giving sexual favours. Prostitution, though it has been described as the oldest ‘profession’ in human history, is frowned upon by society as immoral. In prostitution, both the prostitute and the customer have a contract. It is simply sex for money and no other attachments or commitments are involved. Both parties are clear as to the activity concerned.

Likewise, in a situation where there is ‘consensual sex’, the position is also clear. Assuming both parties are emotionally stable and rational, one would not expect any complications.

But what about so called normal, ordinary situations where a woman, for example, manipulates a guy into having sex with her and then uses it as an emotional bait to trap him into a serious relationship? We have often heard remarks such as “How can you have sex with me if you do not love me?” (Forgetting that the guy can also ask: “did I force or mislead you?”) “You have not called me since we had sex” (forgetting that even earlier, the guy hardly calls), “You have used me” (forgetting that if the guy really had wanted sex, he could have sought for a less complicated alternative). How would you describe such women? Blackmailers? Immoral? Worse than prostitutes since unlike the prostitutes who want just money, such women wants the man’s life?!

Is it love or cruelty to get someone into a relationship using sex?

Others use love to get sex. I suppose men usually fall in this category though I am certain some women do too. Here you have the guy who uses ‘Bollywood’ language before and ‘Western” language after the event! Song and dances before and “that was just sex” language after. Such guys see women as nothing more than sexual objects or tools for their sexual gratification. If society frowns upon a rapist who forces himself upon the women, how do we treat men who manipulate emotions in a women? At the least when the rapist approaches you, you know that he is going to hurt you. What about guys who earn your trust and then betray you merely for skin? Is not betray of trust worse?

Ordinarily we are very quick to judge the rapist (and rightly so), but very slow to judge the guys who go around treating women as receptacles for their lust. In some societies, such men are even applauded as a “Casanova”. It is unfathomable that a cruel act of cheating someone can be applauded! A thief steals property. A casanova robs a person of faith in other human beings. Is this not cruel?

At some stage in our lives, there may be confusion between love and sex. Lust is mistaken for love. It is important to distinguish between the two and you need to have the integrity, honesty and courage to do the necessary.

We would agree that a relationship can only be stable if there is ‘two way love’. In a stable relationship, love and sex become indistinguishable. You cannot force someone to feel for you in a way that the person does not. This is like forcing the other to be untrue to you or be a hypocrite. If you insist, then you are being narcissistic and you do not really love him/her.

Fatal attractions are the worst nightmare for anyone.

What do you think?