Love +/= Sex ?

by An Observer

Image thanks to here

If you ask the question: “who does not like sex?” you will expect to hear the answer, “who doesn’t!” Such an answer is to be expected because we are used to thinking and therefore expressing ourselves in general terms. We often do not think of the exceptions or alternative situations. Generally too, no one will deny that sex is a pleasurable activity. Again, there are exceptions to this subject to various conditions. We have been conditioned to ignore details.

One thing is clear: without the activity of sex, there will be no mode of procreation as we know it. Another thing is that without the pleasure attached to the sexual activity, many may just procrastinate the act of procreation! The energy and effort required may make some lazy to engage in procreation.

Generally too, most will support the notion of “love”.

Some people use sex to get love. Prostitution is often considered as an act of getting pecuniary favours by giving sexual favours. Prostitution, though it has been described as the oldest ‘profession’ in human history, is frowned upon by society as immoral. In prostitution, both the prostitute and the customer have a contract. It is simply sex for money and no other attachments or commitments are involved. Both parties are clear as to the activity concerned.

Likewise, in a situation where there is ‘consensual sex’, the position is also clear. Assuming both parties are emotionally stable and rational, one would not expect any complications.

But what about so called normal, ordinary situations where a woman, for example, manipulates a guy into having sex with her and then uses it as an emotional bait to trap him into a serious relationship? We have often heard remarks such as “How can you have sex with me if you do not love me?” (Forgetting that the guy can also ask: “did I force or mislead you?”) “You have not called me since we had sex” (forgetting that even earlier, the guy hardly calls), “You have used me” (forgetting that if the guy really had wanted sex, he could have sought for a less complicated alternative). How would you describe such women? Blackmailers? Immoral? Worse than prostitutes since unlike the prostitutes who want just money, such women wants the man’s life?!

Is it love or cruelty to get someone into a relationship using sex?

Others use love to get sex. I suppose men usually fall in this category though I am certain some women do too. Here you have the guy who uses ‘Bollywood’ language before and ‘Western” language after the event! Song and dances before and “that was just sex” language after. Such guys see women as nothing more than sexual objects or tools for their sexual gratification. If society frowns upon a rapist who forces himself upon the women, how do we treat men who manipulate emotions in a women? At the least when the rapist approaches you, you know that he is going to hurt you. What about guys who earn your trust and then betray you merely for skin? Is not betray of trust worse?

Ordinarily we are very quick to judge the rapist (and rightly so), but very slow to judge the guys who go around treating women as receptacles for their lust. In some societies, such men are even applauded as a “Casanova”. It is unfathomable that a cruel act of cheating someone can be applauded! A thief steals property. A casanova robs a person of faith in other human beings. Is this not cruel?

At some stage in our lives, there may be confusion between love and sex. Lust is mistaken for love. It is important to distinguish between the two and you need to have the integrity, honesty and courage to do the necessary.

We would agree that a relationship can only be stable if there is ‘two way love’. In a stable relationship, love and sex become indistinguishable. You cannot force someone to feel for you in a way that the person does not. This is like forcing the other to be untrue to you or be a hypocrite. If you insist, then you are being narcissistic and you do not really love him/her.

Fatal attractions are the worst nightmare for anyone.

What do you think?

The Illusion and deception of Power

Contrary to popular belief, power and glory are not ‘difficult’ to achieve though it is thought to be achieved by only a select few in society. In a sense, everyone who is born gradually attains power of sorts as he grows until he reaches a pinnacle of power whereupon; his power declines and then ends with death. A simple example will be the comparison between a baby and a teenager. The teenager yields much power compared to a baby.

This natural aspect of power has often been forgotten by many because of the distraction of “artificial” power”. By artificial power, I mean that power which is enhanced by the use of illusions and deceptive methods. Example, teenager A of equal natural capacity with teenager B is of equal power naturally. However, when the image of teenager B is artificially propped up by various means, teenager B creates the illusion that he is more powerful than teenager A. Examples of artificially propping tools are like certain clothing, a fictitious storyline, etc.

Likewise, Mr A of equal natural capacity with Mr B is of equal power naturally. But the moment, you use tools of illusion and deception such as presenting Mr B as His Excellency Mr B or Datok B or Dr B, you immediately give Mr B an illusion that he wields greater power than Mr A. In reality, they have the same natural power but the illusion of power favours Mr B. You can in reality ignore either and hence render them both powerless.

Power is present only when it is acknowledged and recognized. Power is effective only if you are subservient to it. Other wise, it remains illusory because other than the natural power, it is an illusion.

The myths concerning the "power" of artificial power exists because of several factors. Firstly, the confusion between natural power and artificial power. Natural power is naturally available to everyone and it is evolutionary without any effort to achieve it. It only needs to be recognized and used accordingly. Example, from not being able to run, you can run. From not being able to reason (as a baby), you are now able to reason (as an adult).

Secondly, power has been equated with wealth and political power. The person with greater wealth is deemed to be more powerful than one who has less. The one with political power is deemed to be more powerful than one who has not. Though naturally, all have equal power, but in terms of illusion, they appear to have differing levels of power. Example: a Master and a peasant. The Master wants obedience from the peasant. The peasant refuses to obey. All sorts of punishment is meted out against the peasant and he still refuses to obey. The Master’s power to get obedience is ineffective because in reality it is an illusion of power. At the extreme case, the Master orders the peasant to be executed for disobedience.

The Master may have the peasant’s corpse but never his obedience. The very fact of this execution order by the Master is his admission that his “power” had failed to get obedience from the peasant. Being an illusion of power, it is only effective if the peasant submits to it. Natural power cannot fail. The Master failed because the peasant succeeded in using his natural power against the illusion of power held by the Master.

Artificial power exists only if it is recognized and acknowledged. For example, if all the peasants had refused to recognize the Master, could all the peasants be executed? Then, he would be the Master of whom? The moment you refuse to recognize the Master, his power over you ceases. Your natural power comes to the fore and against his artificial power, you will certainly win.

Thirdly, many do not understand the distinction between memory and heart in the context of natural and artificial power. Ghandi had faith in his natural power and used it for the good of humankind. In his fight against injustice in Africa he called upon non-violence or satyagraha. For those who do not understand natural power, it may seem a contradiction in terms when you call upon people to fight with the ‘weapon’ of non-violence. Artificial power hurts the body. Natural power overcomes the heart.

Many world leaders and personalities have come and gone where some are remembered in the heart while some are remembered in the mind. Those who are remembered with the heart had allowed their natural power to communicate with others. Those who are remembered with the mind had used their artificial power. What is in the mind is subject to memory loss and thus require reminders. What is in etched in the heart requires no reminder for it is felt.

Once a leader with immense artificial power dies, he is remembered only in history or on artificial occasions unless he had touched the people with his natural power. This is because artificial power being illusory dies with the owner. Close your eyes and think Mao, Jesus, Roosevelt, Martin Luther King, Hitler, Ghandi, Stalin, Mother Teresa, etc. You will find interchanging stimuli between your mind and the heart. Therein lies the difference between artificial power and natural power. Natural power being real, lives long after the death of the owner.

Have you observed that the child has no wealth or political power but she is able through her natural powers make the parents do her bidding? The natural power possessed by a child is so strong that it controls many areas of our life. The advertisers and image builders recognize this power and attempt to convert it into artificial power for their clients.

Fourthly, God calls upon us through our natural power while evil whispers to us through artificial power. Natural power may appear slow to achieve results but it lasts. Artificial power seems fast to achieve its ends but it terminates. Human beings being inclined towards impatience and hastiness, tend towards artificial power in the name of expediency, pragmatism and such. Artificial power being illusory, in the ultimate analysis, the respective human beings gets deceived.

The divine call to utilise natural power is non compulsive. You have a choice. There is no force, no violence, it is soft but firm. There is love, compassion. Natural power needs only itself without any external aid for its effectiveness and existence.

The evil call to utilize artificial power is compulsive in nature and threatening. There are attempts to take away your choice, most times even violently. Artificial power needs coercion, deception, violence and force for its existence and apparent effectiveness.

The great scriptures in the world often describe this life as nothing but play and amusement. Partly this is so because of the confusion in the human mind that artificial power is real and hence they become slaves when they are actually born free. Due to this confusion and the reinforcement of this confusion systematically by an illusory complex system, what is unnatural gradually becomes accepted as real.

Hence most human beings end up being deceived to live as slaves to the artificial powers of other mortals. Since they have chosen to live as slaves, albeit sometimes well fed and well taken care of, they go through this life never having lived their own life.


End.